They say that laughter is the best medicine and a while back I tried a very silly experiment to see if the theory was true.
What I did was devise a spoof psychological profiling quiz to see how colleagues and acquaintances would respond. Apart from asking impossible questions, I requested that those taking part should provide a seasoning for their answers. I was more than a little surprised therefore to find a shipment of paprika on my doorstep the following morning but it sure as did help with my Hungarian cookery classes!
Anyway, here are the original quiz questions with a few of the best replies. Following that is my profiling review which clearly demonstrates that I am as batty as the respondents!
1) What is your date of birth to the nearest hundred weight?
Er… I’m confused already. Weight = Mass x G.F.S? What is a hundred weight anyway? Weight changes depending on the gravity that’s being experienced on your body…so…um, I don’t think I could give you a definite answer. Does this mean I don’t win a prize now? If I had to guess I’d say Gas Mark 7.
You are easily confused. You cannot weigh your date of birth and you would be insane to think otherwise. Following your rambling response to the opening question you are clearly half-baked and so need another 20 minutes on regulo 6.
2) What is your most interesting skin blemish?
Scar on the left side of my face. Youth. Bike. Nail. Ouch.
Despite a really unattractive and lumpy face with unwieldy scar tissue from inappropriate behavior in the name of wheeled acrobatics, you have the impressive ability to make people feel squeamish with one word sentences.
3) Which Hollywood star would you most like to eat?
Joaquin Phoenix…he’s yummy and vegan.
You are prepared to eat people which I think you will find is frowned upon in most states, even Alabama. This gluttony cannot be condoned and is all the more disturbing since Joaquin Phoenix is a vegan and not in anyway partial to great big slabs of meat in a bun.
4) What percentage of the population of Nigeria wear glasses?
There is no population in Nigeria. If there was, the percentage would be whatever it is plus whatever your addition would adjust it to.
Your belief that Nigeria is ’empty’ should have made it easier to predict a percentage for those wearing glasses. However, as you didn’t provide satisfactory evidence for your theory, you score zero points. In addition I couldn’t subtract a division of argument in your multiplication formulae.
5) What is the point of the septum?
The pointy bit at the end, obviously. Besides, we would look funny with one big nostril if it were missing.
In medical issues you are sadly lacking. If you can see a pointy bit to the septum, one of us has either got very good or very bad eyesight. Either that or you have a very odd nose (I suspect the latter).
6) Which came first: York in England or New York in the United States?
Neither of them came first. We all lived in the ocean first.
You use statistical data to form conclusions to avoid revealing you don’t know the real answer and believe we all once lived in a semi-detached coral reef in the outskirts of Las Vegas.
7) What color underpants am I wearing and why?
You’re not wearing any, and I assume it’s because you like the feel of your inside-out velure pants. Which are purple.
It is of course now Tuesday so are very perceptive to realize that I always use this day to run around completely naked under my clothes. Velure on skin is surely one of the purest joys in life whatever the color.
8) Have you any idea where South Korea is? (Please describe)
[points] My arm is straight with my index finger extended and the other fingers curled in towards my palm.
In South Korean geography you scored highly. If you are pointing at the floor you surely know you are in Seoul even if it was the result of boarding the wrong plane at LA International. If, however, you are pointing randomly while located in a hall of mirrors you are cleverly covering every eventuality.
9) How thick is your favorite book?
It’s one FBU (Favorite Book Unit) which is roughly one and a bit inches thick.
You are an innovator who invents units of measurement to suit your own needs but are clearly unclear on the density of your body, intelligence or library collection.
10) How much time did you waste on this pointless quiz?
Does that include the time spent between questions searching the web for downloadable PDF files containing plans to conquer the world?
You are obviously a power-mad megalomaniac who clearly wants world domination as long as it doesn’t mean getting up too early in the morning.
I cannot say if you found this quiz amusing or not but hey, what does it matter. I had fun compiling it and so did those who took time to answer.
It’s all too easy to spend our time worrying about what might happen so to step off the mad merry-go-round of life for a few minutes is something we should all do.
Why not take some time to complete the test now and see what are the wackiest answers you can come up with are. I may not be able to provide the final profiling but you should certainly be able to ascertain your own level of madness.
Let’s face it – a little bit of mad never did anyone any harm.