Here’s the third scene of my aborted sitcom. To read the first scene and subsequent scenes go to my post A Good Idea But Too Late.
INT. EDWARD‘S CAR. DAY
EDWARD IS LEANING FORWARD IN HIS SEAT AND IS DRIVING A LITTLE TOO FAST WHICH IS INDICATED BY A SLIGHTLY PAINED EXPRESSION ON FRANK’S FACE.
FRANK: In a hurry are you?
EDWARD: I can’t be late for the first appointment can I? What kind of impression will that make?
FRANK: Couldn’t be any worse than the impression my face would make on the windscreen if you don’t slow down.
EDWARD: Chill out! I’m only trying to make up a bit of time to get the clothes and stuff.
FRANK: Is it really necessary?
EDWARD: What do you mean?
FRANK: Well, I’d have thought that a more casual look would be more likely to put your clients at their ease.
EDWARD: Are you joking? I need to project a vision of success. A clean cut image of sophistication. I want my clients to aspire to be like me.
EDWARD: What do you know about style anyway? Why should I pay attention to someone who has more food staining his overalls than paint? You could get a second job as a scratch and sniff restaurant menu.
FRANK: (IGNORING HIM) This all a bit sick, isn’t it?
EDWARD: What is?
FRANK: This life coaching lark. I mean, why are you doing it? You’re separated from your wife, your 11 year-old son is more successful in business than you are, you’re getting a beer gut and you’re on the run from your teenage bank manager. Hardly makes you a model citizen, does it?
EDWARD CONSIDERS THIS VIEW AND APPEARS NOT TO DISAGREE.
FRANK: You have a diploma in advanced disorganisation and without me and Julia to bail you out, your life would just disintegrate into a putrid mess.
EDWARD: (BEAT) Finished?
EDWARD PARKS THE CAR.
EDWARD: I know my life isn’t perfect but that is what qualifies me to stop other people screwing up theirs. I‘ve done the practical and identified all the wrong ways of doing stuff – I’m a martyr, I am.
FRANK ROLLS HIS EYES.
EDWARD: Listen Frank, I love the life coaching work I do. All the times I’ve done it so far have given me a real sense of satisfaction, that I’m doing something really worthwhile. It feels good, y’know? I now have the opportunity to earn a living doing something I actually enjoy and not many people can say that.
EDWARD: I also want you to know that I appreciate what you’ve done for me over the years. Ever since we were kids you seemed to get roped into all my scheming and yet you’re still here. We may bicker, we may argue but we’re friends and that’s what counts.
FRANK: (WISTFUL) Yeah.
EDWARD: (BEAT) Right you fat old sod, get out of my car!
END OF SCENE